Maturity

I’ve had an Oprah, Ah-Ha moment over the last few weeks. I’ve realised, I’m not 23 anymore.  I actually turn 30 this year and it does make me wince a bit. (I choose 23 as it’s the first full year out of university and into the world).

I’ve been an adult now for well over a decade and still don’t view myself as how old I really am.
Yes! The years just seem to pass by so quickly.  I still get a massive smile on my face when the ice cream van drive’s by.

But yes, I need to realise I’m not fresh out of uni any more. I’m not a grad. and I’m not the youngest in the company/department/team.  I don’t need as much guidance, I can do things on my own, I don’t want to be boxed in ... However, the irony is I do still want it at the same time. Maybe it’s some sort of transitional phase where I am (hesitatingly) realising my contribution & am averse to the risk is in making errors or mistakes.

I want credibility, I want to be working on important projects and make bigger decisions. However, who would give this to someone who sees themselves as 23? Someone who doesn’t want too much responsibility but wants the perks?

I see myself a fast learner but what am I really learning?  How am I adding value? What am I doing in life that is mature? Can I even ask that? Does making a massive purchase like a car or house make me mature? What about having kids? Does that bring out maturity in people?

These are the phases people go through when they learn something. 
I guess I'm still learning about life. 

Novice
Advanced Beginner
Competent
Proficient
Expert

Hmmm, I'm sure I am competent but when all the doubts and questions enter my head, I want to say advanced beginner.

I need to be ... more mature. I need to up my game. I need to ... BRING IT ON.