Do you ever feel that you want it all?
That you want to do everything and that you aim to do it all within a small period of time and then ..... reality and the everyday mundane-ness hits you?
Wake, work, home, sleep. Wake, work, home, sleep.
I long to do something more with my time but when I get home, the last thing I want to do is to sit infront of my laptop again. I want to do x,y & z but sitting on my butt watching tv seems like the better option. Thankfully my weekends don't end up like that, but I always find myself allocating down time on the weekend too.
Is this really the life I want? No. Is this how I see myself accomplishing what I want from my private life? No.
Why do I do it? Why does it seem like the best option? Why is pizza and wine better than an big night out with drinking and partying? Why don't I take up some mid-week hobby like I want to? (and keep telling myself.)
Yes I am lazy, but maybe its something more? I want to do more sailing, start Toastmasters ... its the first few steps into the unknown. That is why I have not done it. Its speaking to people I dont know and establishing a rapport with them - something I am uncomfortable with. Why do I priortise going to the gym more than that? Its because its familiar and the safer, risk-free option.
I feel I live so much of my life in the safer, risk-free area. Once in a while I will push and rebel against it, but somehow I will end up in that place again. I will do something totally out of the ordinary, move halfway across the world, but who's ordinary is it? Am I just benchmarking myself against other people and not bechmarking me against myself?