The bus pulls up and is relatively empty, I walk up the aisle and slide into a double vacant seat and sit next to the window (Opera House side to get the good view).
As more people get on the bus, I secretly hope that no one sits next to me. I like the freedom of space and can put my bags on the spare seat. Bus stops again. I know, I know, it is naive to think the bus won't fill. I decide to move my bags to my lap so someone can sit next to me. I'm now anxious to know, who will sit next to me. I can see the line of people getting on and I try to work out who is the one to sit next to me while avoiding direct eye contact.
Someone can only sit next to me if:
- They are relatively normal/good looking.
- They must also look awake. I don't want someone drifting off to sleep wanting to let their head rest on my shoulder or worse still, they don't wake up while I want to get out and off the bus.
- They must smell either neutral or nice. (no B.O., morning breath or overkill of perfume).
- No fatties! I choose not to be squashed up with my cheek pressed up against the window, entertaining those who drive or in other buses.
- Minimal baggage and not a broadsheet newspaper reader. (although if you're a good looking bloke, feel free to ignore this one.)
- Above the age of 18. No kiddies, no crying, no kicking the seats.
More stops, more people. However, it's now getting to a point where everyone around me is sitting next to someone else. I then suddenly realise that the seat next to me is vacant! A new anxiety has arrived.
"Why isn't someone sitting next to me?" "Am I the ugly person no one wants to sit next to?" "Is there something in my hair or teeth?" "What's wrong with me?"
I have been that girl who's seat is empty when the rest of the bus is full. I feel like an outcast and that I have some sort of deformity. I have also seen those on the bus sitting alone. I feel their pain but I still wonder what is wrong with them.
The bus lets more people on and finally someone sits next to me. I am de-stressing and oh Shiz! Whats with the doof-doof music? Time to add another rule.